at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
