She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
