did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
