and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She bit a glass in half.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
