somebody snuck up and got me drunk
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
