I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
