Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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