I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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