wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
