He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
