Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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