I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
