I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
