I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Less talking, more tequila
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
