party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
