I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Boobs speak an international language.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
