i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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