You're completely useless in the revolution.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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