Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
