they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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