hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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