If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
