just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
