How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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