I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
