I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
