we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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