i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
