This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
