Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
