3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
