ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize