She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
