this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize