i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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