I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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