who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize