you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
