she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
