Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
