Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
