When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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