so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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