He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
