I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
