last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
