maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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