I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
