Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
