Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
