This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
only you would photoshop your dick
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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