I need help removing her.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
