I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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