Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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