I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he fucked my hip out of place.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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