I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
