I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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