Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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