If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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