bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
