currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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