I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
