ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
