Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
