I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
