At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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