Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize