just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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