if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
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