my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Vodka?
Forever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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