I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
