dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize